A blonde keeps running back and forth on his driveway checking his mail.
One day her confused older neighbor asks her why is she doing that so often and the blonde replies:
“I don’t understand what’s going on but my computer keeps telling that I’ve got mail!?”
Category Archive: Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
A blonde keeps running back and forth
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If blondes and bimbos were the same thing
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix ‘bim’ could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble – noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled – constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait – short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar – a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag – a blonde’s purse
Bimbrushes – essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon – specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper – special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow – sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? – a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze – the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues – a blonde’s state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette – a young blonde
Bimbonese – language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior – airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle – to fool a blonde
Bimbore – a blonde who uses “like” more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo – another name for a blonde
Bimboron – a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie – a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette – a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden – blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
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A young blonde woman is distraught
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!”
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It was the mailman’s last day on the job
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison.
Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.
“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “…..but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?”
He said, “…Scr*w him ………give him a dollar.”
The blonde then blushed and said, “….But the breakfast was my idea.”
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